What is the secret to a long and happy relationship?
How can you prevent your relationship from going sour?
Why is marriage sometimes so tough?
Relationships can become tough when we don’t truly listen to each other, when we fail to listen with our hearts, and when we misunderstand what is being communicated. Relationships will go sour if we lose the capacity to heal our relationship as we go… When our negative experiences outweigh our positive experiences…
For every negative experience we encounter in our relationship we need 5 positive experiences to keep the balance in our favour. If the balance between your positive and negative experiences is misaligned you will experience feelings of discomfort, you will become unhappy. How is your Balance Card looking?
Serge can help you learn to heal your relationship.
Dr. John Gottman (1) calls the destructive behaviours that lead to the negative experiences “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These are:
- Criticism: stating one’s complaints as a defect in one’s partner’s personality, i.e., giving the partner negative trait attributions. Example: “You always talk about yourself. You are so selfish.”
- Contempt: statements that come from a relative position of superiority. Contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce and must be eliminated. Example: “You’re an idiot.”
- Defensiveness: self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victim-hood. Defensiveness wards off a perceived attack. Example: “It’s not my fault that we’re always late; it’s your fault.”
- Stonewalling: emotional withdrawal from interaction. Example: The listener does not give the speaker the usual nonverbal signals that the listener is “tracking” the speaker.
According to Dr Gottman’s research in “the Love Lab” these “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” predict early divorcing – an average of 5.6 years after the wedding. Emotional withdrawal and anger predict later divorcing – an average of 16.2 years after the wedding. Changing those negative behaviours that predict divorce to more positive behaviours that predict success can significantly change the course of your relationship and make it better.
Do you have relationship difficulties? – Serge can help!
The secret to longevity in a relationship is Repair Skills, the capacity to heal your relationship through the art of reaching out, knowing how to make things better, apology, soothing… Serge has many years’ experience in helping couples overcome difficulties and rescue their relationship and he can help and support you and your partner in changing negative behaviours into more positive ones. He can help you heal your relationship by teaching you how to communicate more clearly, a skill you may even be able to use in other areas of your life!
So why don’t you contact us now to arrange an appointment to discuss your specific needs? With appointments general available within a couple of weeks you will soon be happier again. Better still, Serge is available after hours, so neither of you will have to worry about taking time off from work!
You can email Serge via firstname.lastname@example.org or call him on his mobile: 0401 143 368.
(1) http://www.gottman.com (online September 2012)